Friday, February 1, 2008

I got a blog'age in my colon...


I've never understood the point of blogging. It's essentially public diary which, from my understanding, is used most often to convey feelings of dismay, personal grievances, and useless information on products and entertainment that one feels others simply must know. When I think of the word blog, two images come to mind: One is of a fat, goth-esque teenage girl in her bedroom, plastered with images of the guy from My Chemical Romance and other Tiger Beat sensations, crying and 'blogging' at the same time about some dude in her 7th period ceramics class who slipped a bunch of Lane Bryant advertisement clippings into her ironic Power Puff Girls pee-chee. The other is of the word blog itself, and that to me looks like a cross between a malignant tumor (see photo) and the stubborn turd that claimed Elvis' life. Needless to say, I've had only a few experiences with blogs and they've all been bad.

The first time I even heard the word 'blog' was when an acquaintance of mine from college (who will remain nameless) sent me a link to his blog circa 2003. I was immediately horrified by the lack of anything even remotely worth while in the 45+ pages of bullshit diatribe. I vowed never to read a blog again and so it remained until about a year ago when I stumbled across a girl's blog while 'googling' my band, The Velocet. Apparently this girl had attended the recent record release party for my band at Joe's Pub here in New York and her blog contained an entry commenting on the performance. Sadly our performance was marred with some disaster (namely some broken strings and two grotesque-looking groupies storming the stage) but otherwise it was a fine, sold-out performance at a great New York City venue. But that didn't stop 'Andy Secher' here from weighing in with her professional options about what a great rock show should and should not consist of.

Another friend of mine has his entire blog dedicated to art of reviewing sun tan lotion. Apparently being of German-Irish decent, and therefore more inclined to burn, makes you an expert on SPF technology. He literally posts a series of different sunscreens and then rates them according to the criteria he deems important. I asked him why his blog consisted of such an activity and he explained to me that he felt he was offering the world a unique service - that it was his duty, so to speak, to get this information to the public. And God bless 'em for that.

So now you're probably asking yourself, a) why the fuck are you now hosting a blog since you clearly despise them so much, and b) what'cha gonna blog about? Well, to answer the first question, I don't know. And as for the second one, I don't know either. I guess I just didn't want to be left in the dust. I never learned HTML and now I feel like a fucking dinosaur. I can't even animate a pair of a dancing baby .GIF's and juxtapose then next to a .JPEG of a cat wearing people clothes. I'm a failure. But God willing, I will learn how to blog - and find something substantial to blog about - and the world will be a better place.
Now, who wants to hear about the hot guy in my 4th period French class?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You sir, are marring the blogscape with your contribution. You are what is wrong with American youth today.

Fish said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

right on, brother! stick it to the right wing, bleeding heart, blog-loving, media frenzied masses! 9/11 was an inside job and george bush and the bible! fight on ye mighty warriors, fight!

Tricia said...

sell. out.
http://bitsandpiecesnyc.blogspot.com/